more than the sum of our pieces – everything i learned about creativity so far

About a year ago it became very clear to me that I needed more creativity in my life – and as a consequence would need to reprioritize and reorganize my whole life as well. I was miserable and just knew I couldn’t go on like that. So, I did the only reasonable thing: I quit – not immediately but after a couple of months of intense back and forth in my head and with my boss – and set out on a self-healing journey from what was about to become a burn out, hadn’t I pulled the breaks before.

I always thought once I had time, I would create. Write, mainly. But it took months before I actually did fill my days with art again. It was tough. I was mad at myself and my “non-existent talent” as I thought of it at the time. However, I knew I had to trust the process, and to give myself some time to deal with my issues before pressuring myself into the next thing. Only in hindsight, going through my notebook I notice that I was creating. I just didn’t give myself enough credit at the time. I didn’t understand that just journaling, writing down little thoughts and things I noticed was also art. I was writing, yet my inner perfectionist didn’t give me credit for anything short of perfect. Little did I understand that art has nothing to do with perfection – at least not in my world, not anymore.

Painting was never in my plans. I was always so focused on wanting to write, thinking words were my way of being creative. But when the pressure on writing was too hard, I grabbed a paint brush and haven’t looked back since. Painting without the pressure of having to be good at it – whatever that means – and just using it as a creative means helped me to understand how perfection and art don’t go together. It taught me that just showing up is the most important part of creating and the rest will just happen. It taught me that there’s no such thing as perfection in art, that the messy bits are the most exciting and surprising ones and that just going on the journey will lead you down paths you didn’t even know existed.

About a month after starting to paint I started to write a lot more as well – I credit that part to the magical fairyland that is Estonia and the calming, yet inspiring vibe of the sea, but also the fact that I had already started to understand a lot more about the process of creating over the past month.

So here I was, painting, writing, yet no particular clue what to do with all of that and how to go about my future. Until one day, I talked to a friend who has always been nothing but empowering in the most authentic, selfless way. She said “If you want to call yourself an artist, you do that. Because then you are.” Two hours later she sent me the call for artists for to exhibit/sell their work at an art fair. My heart started beating so fast, I knew I had to do it. Not gonna lie, though, it scared the crap out of me, signing up for that fair. It still does.

But I do call myself an artist now. I show up to create. I try not to listen to my inner perfectionist anymore – works well some days and not so well on others. I go with the flow, yet I dream big. Try not to limit myself as to what I always thought is art and what isn’t. And create my own schedule.

About a year ago it became very clear to me that I needed more creativity in my life. What I wasn’t prepared for then, was what would come with that – in the most positive way. I always thought the life of an artist, be it a writer, painter, whatever, was a lonely one. Yet, ever since I let creativity into my life, I’ve been connecting and reconnecting with so many people who share similar passions. In the past two months, these people have inspired me, empowered me and shown me a completely new path. Just an hour ago, I found a little three-line poem I had written in Estonia and reached out to my friend Kärt (@carikamusic), who used to be my editor and who was my creative writing friend long before I ever dared to dream of making art a daily part of my life. I shared the poem with her and the backstory. Within minutes she came up with her own interpretation of it. Those two little three-liners felt magical, like the definition of two people being more than the sum of their pieces. It was also the perfect example as for why I love writing and painting. You create something and let others run with it, to make it more than what you could ever imagine.

I’m going to stop right here – maybe our words will inspire your own interpretation, there’s definitely lots of room for it. If you do, please share them with us, we’d love to hear them!

P.S.: Shoutout to Kärt, an amazing writer and musician who will for sure go make waves with her art. Check her out on Instagram @carikamusic and show her some love, please!